Validation Nurtures the Soul


Validation is nice, especially to a growing soul learning about who they are in this world. Ideally lots of validation is provided in childhood and throughout one’s life. Loving words and glances showered upon a newborn baby feed their little soul. A single look of reassurance let’s them know they are good, loved and safe, too. When they are frightened or venture into the unknown, taking their first little steps and dropping to the ground, a touch, a kiss, a hug and a giggle let’s them know it’ll be alright. Silently their parent(s) communicate(s): “I love you, you are such a blessing! You can do it!” And up they go to try again under watchful adoring eyes, come what may, all the way into adulthood and throughout their lives.

The Birth of Insecurities

That is not always the case, though. There are numerous validation seeking souls that are love hungry, full of insecurities and starved for attention. They never got those loving glances or words of encouragement. No one picked them up when they fell down. Maybe no one even bothered to watch over them at all. No one told them what a blessing they are in this world and how absolutely amazing they are. These little ones grew up feeling invisible and have lived their lives vulnerable to any forms of validation that came their way, good, bad or otherwise.

Let us not forget those that were down right abused. A harsh word, a critical eye or a beat-down are the only forms of validation of their existence that they ever received. Being sexually violated may have just been par for the course in their paths. What do they learn about themselves or about love? What possibilities may they conceive for themselves? Where do they even start to begin to nurture their souls after all they’ve been through?

Good Support Systems Provide Validation

Many of us are left to develop our own support systems of loving others to give us a nod, a high-five or a word of encouragement. Some are unfortunately so hypnotized by the lies they’ve been told and years of abuse that they’re overcome with self-hate, condemnation and judgement. Either which way it’s played out in someone’s life thus far, we all have the healing balm of validation to share and to spare. We can nurture our own souls as well as the souls of others by providing positive reinforcement with encouraging words, a nod, a hug or a high five.

The deep soul-need for love and validation transcends ethnicity, age, status, geography and socioeconomic class for sure. Anyone who has sought validation through financial success ultimately comes face to face with the reality that they are love deprived, regardless of how many millions of dollars they’ve amassed. The seeker who collects friends and/or lovers cannot run from inner emptiness. Especially once hurt or violated, the soul need is exponentially greater for love and validation.

Everyone Seeks Validation

The affluent married Catholic Caucasian stay at home mother of three, the Black teen survivor of gang rape, the Latino youth whose father berates him,  the first generation Philippine-American girl with ADHD, the adult working father with schizophrenia, the man or woman recently released from prison, the young adult Latino healing from her most recent breakup, the LGBTQ soul who is finally accepting him/herself, and the single mom on public assistance… they all seek validation, a kind word, a glance, a nod or a smile.

Currently I straddle the worlds of community mental health, entrepreneurship, writing and ministry. I encounter souls from every type of circumstance or situation imaginable (and plenty you would never want to ever imagine.) They come into my office in the best outfits and cars. They don’t have money for their metro cards to get to me so they either walk or they have to cancel. They prefer to call instead of video conference me because they can’t bear to know that someone is looking at them when they share their story or struggle. They read every blog post and watch every show, but never schedule an appointment because they can’t afford a session. One thing is consistent, pouring out validation to souls day after day nurtures their souls. Validation heals.

Validation Heals

All of that said, you have no idea what is going on in the life of that soul who cut you off, lied on you, stole your stuff, thinks she so cute, looked at you sideways, bumped you in the street, can’t carry their weight on the project or doesn’t respond to your heartfelt “Good morning!” You don’t have to know, either. Maybe you can just love everyone. Ya know, like be nice to everyone? Encourage others the way you’d like to be encouraged. Let their every experience with you, be one of love, even if the other souls haven’t necessarily earned your love but because you are loving. We are after all connected and part of our Creator’s wonderful creation.

BE~LOVED, let’s imagine and pray for the absolute best and blessed to happen in everyone’s lives in the entire world today and everyday.

And now you know why I remind you each day that you are to BE~LOVED. 😉

Are you inspired by this blog? Please support my efforts with a contribution to the Capital Campaign for Healing Truth Center today! Thank you!

By the way, are you thinking about taking the Clock of Life Course with me? Think about it. It is a really unique healing opportunity, especially for souls that have survived any type of challenge. If you have any questions about the course send me an email to or call me at 917.740.6449.


SHAWNA MARIE is a Spiritual Leader, psychotherapist and author. She hosts the Living in Spiritual Perspective Show at and provides consultations to empower others to their greatest potential.

Copyright 2011. All rights reserved.


2 Responses to “Validation Nurtures the Soul”

  1. Sistahgirl, this nurtured MY soul this morning. More often than not, we forget how much we are all alike. Sometimes in the midst of our own day to day, we put up blinders to the daily struggles of others. What a great reminder this is for us all. Blessings!

    • SHAWNA MARIE Says:

      Blessings BE~LOVED Suncera! It is my sincere honor to journey with you as we daily step, run and even dance in our greatness! You and your blog have served as inspiration to me on many occasions. It touches my heart to know that in serving, today I had an opportunity to nurture your souls as well. Much love, Shawn

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: